Relationships are known to evolve, they change, just like people change. Most often we don’t realize we’re in a toxic relationship because we always keep looking back at the lovey-dovey moments wherein you would smile ear to ear thinking, ‘OMG, we’re in so much in love!’
That’s the thing about toxic relationships—they have subtle signs but you’re never fully convinced till everything blows up completely. Sometimes it takes some people, two kids, and a house loan to realize their relationship was never the paradise they imagined it to be. And sometimes relationships are doomed from the very beginning, but we’re too lovestruck and drowning in oxytocin to realize it.
So, what really is a toxic relationship?
A toxic relationship is something that meddles with your self-esteem, your confidence, and happiness, the way you look at yourself and the world. Not every relationship is toxic from the beginning.
Some relationships do start healthy, however, factors like long, unmet needs, bad feelings, bad history, compromises, and lack of adjustments can quickly contaminate the relationship and make it toxic. It can happen to the strongest people, in very little time.
Signs that you are in a toxic relationship:
When The Past Seems Better Than The Present
Time passes, and people change. Or maybe you finally discover who they have always been. The age-old dilemma of whether we’re in love with the person or the idea of them comes into play.
The past might be incredible, but if the present seems to be an endless loop of putting in one-sided efforts only to get hurt in return, you need to prioritize your mental health and let go of the fantasy of what could be. Accept the present and focus on improving that instead.
When Your Partner Begins To Control Your Daily Activities
Is your partner questioning everything you do? If you can’t seem to catch a break from their constant intrusion, whether it’s about what you’re wearing, where you’re going, or whom you work and speak with, then you’re definitely in a toxic relationship. When your partner seems to get too controlling and puts you in a constant state of duress, it’s time you take a breather to reevaluate your life and regain control.
When You Begin Making Excuses For Their Behaviour
Sometimes no matter how much your partner messes up, you justify their faults with excuses. It could be in the form of blaming yourself, their circumstances, and other needless reasons. But this only allows them to hurt you more without taking accountability for their actions. As their partner, you need to communicate and express their faults to move beyond this cycle of negativity.
When You Don’t Feel Like Yourself Anymore
Your spirits are down, and at night you feel hollow. Or worse, you’re changing yourself to meet expectations and seek validation from your partner.
A relationship is about two distinct identities coming together. But when one starts giving too much of their individuality away, things can take a toxic turn. It’s time to be the best version of you again. You’re much more than what your partner perceives you to be, so seek within and learn to love yourself again.
When They Keep A Score, And You’re Always The One At Fault
Fights are common amongst partners, healthy even at times. But what isn’t healthy is when these fights seem to overpower the love you share and always hold you at fault. If your partner tallies past mistakes and brings them up in present quarrels, that isn’t fair to you.
Moreover, besides fighting, if your partner rubs in every nice gesture they make for you and demands equal effort in return, you need to know you’re treading a dangerous path. In relationships, while love should be reciprocal, it shouldn’t be forced.
When Your Problems Take The Backseat
Do you feel the world seems to revolve around your partner? Every time you aren’t okay, do you still put their needs above your own? More importantly, is your partner aware of your problems and still makes them seem insignificant compared to his?
Often, you find yourselves in situations where your needs and troubles take the backseat, or you feel guilty for wanting more than the bare minimum. But no more. Your problems aren’t negligible if they affect you, and a genuine partner would remind you of that. Unlike what romanticized notions spread, being selfish isn’t bad. So choose to be selfish and pursue what you want.
When There Is Communication But No Comprehension
Lastly, you might communicate a lot with your partner, but if they aren’t willing to understand your perspective and comprehend what you’re saying, then it’s a sheer waste of your time and effort.
What’s the point of sharing your problems when they fall over deaf ears? So open your channels of communication and try to make them understand. In case they don’t, it’s their loss.
