Negotiating a romantic relationship can unknowingly lead us to exhibit strange behaviours, such as reminding our partners of tasks, managing their finances, and being overly cautious about their emotions. Recognising these signs is crucial for understanding their impact on the relationship. Identifying whether we’re unintentionally taking on a parenting role in the relationship is the initial step towards fostering a healthier connection.
“If you’ve ever wondered why you’re staying in your relationship even though you constantly have doubts, struggle to enjoy spending time with your partner and don’t feel truly wanted and loved, then it’s time to uncover your reason. Because once you know why you stay, you can start to take measures to liberate yourself. Before then, everything is too intangible to take effective action to improve your situation,” wrote Relationship Coach Marlena Tillhon.
How can we identify signs that our role in the relationship has shifted towards parenting our partner?
- Constant Reminders: Do you find yourself always reminding your partner about their to-do list? If you’re constantly playing the role of a taskmaster, it might be a sign of unintentional parenting. By doing this, we inadvertently encourage dependency, making them rely on us for even the smallest tasks.
- Financial Overinvolvement: Taking charge of your partner’s finances may seem like a caring gesture, but it can turn into parenting. If you’re consistently paying their bills and managing their money, it could suggest a belief that they aren’t financially capable. While support is good, taking complete control may hinder their growth.
- Lack of Accountability: Are you always covering up for your partner’s mistakes or neglecting to hold them accountable? Parenting tendencies can surface when we take on both our responsibilities and theirs. Letting them learn from their actions is important rather than shielding them from consequences.
- Walking on Eggshells: You might assume a parental role if you’re tiptoeing around your partner to avoid triggering their moods. Constantly managing their emotions to keep the peace can create an unhealthy dynamic. Both partners should feel free to express themselves without fear of upsetting the other.
- Withholding Emotions: Are you hesitant to share your needs and emotions, thinking it might overwhelm your partner? This reluctance can be a sign of parenting behaviour. It stems from a belief that expressing personal feelings might burden them. Healthy relationships thrive on open communication, so don’t shy away from sharing your thoughts and emotions.
Breaking free from these patterns requires self-awareness and communication. Relationship Coach Marlena Tillhon emphasizes the importance of understanding why we stay in such dynamics. Recognizing these signs is the first step towards building a healthier and more balanced relationship.
Creating a space for mutual growth and understanding can lead to positive changes in your relationship. Remember, a relationship should be a partnership where individuals contribute and grow together.
