You Engage in All-or-Nothing Thinking
You Get Stuck in Analysis Paralysis (a.k.a Overthinking)
You Plan to Start Tomorrow… and Tomorrow… and Tomorrow
I’ve struggled with my weight for nearly my entire adult life. I’ve gone on so many diets. But almost every time, before I started, I would do what I like to call “the long goodbye to food.” I’d tell myself, “I’ll start tomorrow, so today, party on!” And I’d do that day after day after day, always telling myself tomorrow would be the day I start.
If you truly want to do something, it doesn’t matter what you did this morning or what you’ll do tomorrow. You have only this moment, and you absolutely have the power to make a choice that sets you on the path. And then, you take it choice by choice, one decision at a time. Start now, because we’re not promised tomorrow. As I mentioned, time passes anyway, so you may as well make the most of the moment you have right now.
You Rely Solely on Motivation
Sure, when you’re initially working toward a goal, it’s motivation that gets you off the couch. But over time, motivation tends to fade (although we have some motivation secrets that can help you get it and keep it). But it’s discipline, consistency, and — after a fashion — habits that keep you going. Motivation may be the spark that lights the fire, but discipline, consistency, and habits are the fuel that keep it burning.
I’ve made a deal with myself that, no matter what, on my scheduled gym days, I will at least drive to the gym. I don’t have to go in if I don’t want to, but I will get into my car and drive there. Once I’m there, it feels silly to leave and not get some exercise. Even when I’m not feeling motivated (I generally like going to the gym, but trust me, some days the motivation is just not there), I use consistency and discipline to get myself there. Since I’ve done this so many times over the past year, it’s become a habit, and I can’t imagine not going.
You Focus on the Past and the Future
This goes hand-in-hand with many of the things we’ve already discussed. Worthwhile things take time, effort, and mindset. And worrying about how long they’ll take, how hard they’ll be, or how hard you’ve failed in the past at trying them is an invitation to never start.
Life is a series of choices. Every moment of each day, you make choices. And you only have to make one choice right now and worry about the other choices later. So all you have to do right now is make the one choice that moves you a tiny bit closer to your goal. For instance, if your goal is to stop drinking, the only choice you have to make right now is not to have a drink right now. Whether you have a drink later is up to future you, and whether you’ve had a drink in the past has already happened, so no use worrying about it now.
One simple choice in the moment. That’s all you’re responsible for.
You Tell Yourself Stories
You Fear Failure
I’ve thought a lot about what makes us so afraid of failure, and I’ve decided it comes down to a few things: social conditioning/pressure and shame about times we’ve failed in the past. But fearing failure often keeps us from ever trying in the first place.
Yeah — failing never feels good. I should know. I’ve failed so many times (and probably will again). Reframing failure can help alleviate the sting, though. Failing is a sign of trying — that’s the first reframe. Wear it as a badge of honor, because it means you weren’t afraid to try something, and there’s tremendous bravery in that (plus, taking big swings can lead to big gains, while taking no swings leads to stagnation). Second, if you learned anything at all from it, was it really a failure? We build our successes on the learnings from our failures, and every time we try and fail, we gain new tools we can use in the future.
I’d rather have people see me fall flat on my face trying things than never try in the first place.
You Pursue Perfection
You Set Goals You Don’t Believe In (or Truly Want)
Have you ever set a goal because somebody else wanted it for you? How did that go?
If you don’t believe in or truly want a goal, you may be able to stay the course for a while, but eventually you’ll drop it because it just doesn’t matter that much to you. So, when you’re setting goals, make sure they’re your goals and that you really want them. And if you find your motivation flagging, ask yourself this: Do I still want this? If the answer is no, then it’s time to find a different goal.
You Believe Your Inner Critic
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my 60 years on this earth, it’s that nobody is meaner to me than I am. We tend to be our own harshest critics for all sorts of reasons. It may seem impossible to keep that voice from echoing in your head, but that doesn’t mean you have to believe it when you hear it.
Believing your inner critic can keep you from reaching your goals. If you believe what your inner critic says about you, you’re a lot more likely to give up on your goals because you don’t believe you can reach them anyway.
It can be a challenge to decouple how you feel about yourself from the things your inner critic tells you. Talk therapy can help. So can journaling. So can simply noticing how often you think harsh things about yourself and then working on replacing them with a kinder take.
You Commit to Everyone Else Except for Yourself
We’re pulled in so many directions every single day, from families to friends to jobs. And I don’t know about you, but I’ve always been much more likely to keep my commitments to other people than I ever have been to myself. Why? Because those relationships are important to me, and I don’t want to damage trust by failing to deliver on those things I’ve promised.
You are worthy of receiving the same treatment from yourself that you give to other people. When you break your commitments to yourself, you lose trust in yourself, which can harm your sense of self-worth. And that can keep you from reaching your goals.
To rebuild that broken trust, start with making a small, easy-to-achieve commitment to yourself and following through. Then, try something slightly more challenging. By making and keeping slightly more significant commitments to yourself over and over, you can build up to a level of trust that allows you to follow through on your big goals instead of knowing you’ll break the promises you make to yourself before you ever get started.
Stop Holding Yourself Back
Have you been holding yourself back without realizing it? You’re not alone. We all have things we think and do that we barely even notice, and those things often keep us from living the boldest, most beautiful lives we can. Don’t we owe it to ourselves to live the best version of a life we can create?
It takes kindness, self-awareness, and self-compassion to stop getting in our own way, but it’s always worth the effort. It’s time you made a commitment to yourself and followed through.

