Marriage does not mean an end to your lonely days. With both men and women working in this day and age, it has become difficult to pick out enough time from everyday schedule for the wife as well as husband. Depression has been known to be a common problem in marriages either because of the late working hours of one’s spouse or poor communication. Here are ways you can cope with depression in marriage:
Find out the Cause of Depression
Is it your spouse being absent too frequently, being ignored, poor communication or separate interests? Calm yourself to know what the reason is to find a suitable solution for it.
List out Reasons why you are Depressed
Be as specific as possible, for instance, you may write “my husband/wife worked late for three nights consequently when the work pressure wasn’t much. I ask him/her to spend time with me, but he/she always refuses instead spends time partying with his/her friends on weekends”.
Discuss with your Spouse
Use the list to have a discussion with your spouse. The list will help you hit at the base of the matter objectively. Avoid giving rise to situations when your spouse can get defensive. Do not point fingers at your spouse. Avoid blaming him/her for your depression. As you discuss every reason why you are unhappy or depressed, explain that you believe the specific points to be contributing to your depression.
Ask your spouse if he/she thinks that your points are valid. Avoid asking him/her to make changes immediately instead listen to his/her view point. Let your partner speak out as that will help you know if you have been understood correctly. Reflect back politely.
Resolve
After your spouse has given his/her viewpoint, ask for solutions and suggestions. After having discussed about the problem, your spouse may have had an idea of what his/her set of problems are; include those in your discussion. Deciding the solutions together will make your spouse invest his time emotionally as well as physically. If you make any promises as an attempt to address the problems, make sure that you follow through.
When Everything Succumbs
If you observe that your spouse is not able to make the desired changes, focus on yourself. Understand that you cannot force someone to change, but you can bring changes in your character to make things calmer. Find ways to ease the depression instead of becoming paralysed with it. Socialise with your friends or find a hobby.
