There are many issues that married couples often find with their in-laws. Some in-laws are overbearing and controlling, while others are too critical and cold. And some just aren’t around at all.
The in-law relationship is a difficult one: they’re part of your family, but it may feel difficult to treat them like family.
Unfortunately, difficulties with your in-laws can sometimes make your married life difficult. This is a contentious point for many couples. But, remember, this is an unnecessary strain that your relationship should not be affected by. You and your spouse should have a unified message when it comes to dealing with in-law issues.
If you’re having problems with your in-laws, here are 8 ways to strengthen and improve that bond.
1. Set Appropriate Boundaries
One of the most difficult aspects of your relationship with your in-laws is setting boundaries. Obviously, your in-laws are a great source of advice and counsel, especially as you begin married life or as you begin parenting. Some in-laws, though, tend to overstep their boundaries and become controlling.
Figure out an organized system of boundaries for your in-laws is a great idea to consider with your spouse. Make sure that your in-laws understand where they are allowed to comment or barge in, and where they should hold back. For example, your child’s diet is one place where you may want to limit in-law influence.
2. Communicate Freely
If you have feedback to give to your in-laws, you should be able to relay that to them directly. As they have been in your life for, presumably, so long, you should go to them directly and not use your spouse a channel. Be sure to be straight up with your in-laws if you do have issues with them.
Likewise, you should not be hearing about your in-laws’ criticisms from anyone except them. If you want to build a positive relationship, you need to be sure that everyone is straight up with each other, and the relationships will improve.
3. Take Time to Cool Off
Odds are, you have plans for your in-laws to be in your life for a long time. For that exact reason, you should act towards them with a long-term view. This means that burning down bridges is not an option when it comes to your in-laws, regardless of how heated some conversations may get.
When you’re in a difficult argument with your in-laws, take some time to cool off. This will help you gather your thoughts and return with a respectful approach to your conversation.
Even if you may not like it, your in-laws should be respected and treated well. In tough situations, remember to be the bigger person.
4. Take Time for Them
Often, relationships improve when both parties show an effort. If your in-laws believe you are not showing an effort in getting to know them and connecting with them, problems will most likely follow. So, take some steps to show that you care.
Calling your in-laws could be a good way to build up your relationship with them. You may also want to consider visiting them or inviting them over for the holidays, especially if your family is constantly around.
5. Trust Your Spouse
As the person who has known them all his/her life, your spouse is definitely the expert on dealing with your in-laws. Make sure to ask your spouse for advice on what they think is best for these issues, and follow their suggestions. If your spouse advises you that it’s best to not talk back to your in-laws, you better heed that advice.
When it comes to making decisions in relation to your in-laws, listen to your spouse’s judgment. They will know what is the best course of action for a positive relationship with your in-laws.
6. Keep Your Kids out of It
If you have kids, you know that the way they are raised is often a point of contention between you and your in-laws. But, if you truly want what’s best for them, keep your kids out of any arguments between you and your in-laws. It can often be distressing for your children to witness these arguments, especially when it’s about them.
If these arguments do come up, keep them private and peaceful. Ultimately, everyone wants what’s best for your little ones. Keep that in mind. But also keep in mind that you are the parent and your decision should be the one that wins out.
7. Respect Your Differences
The best results often come from finding a common ground in an argument. When it comes to arguments with your in-laws, respecting their opinions and understanding them can be an important way to improve your relationship.
On top of that, sometimes it may be best to accept their advice and incorporate it. Your in-laws do have a point sometimes, and taking their advice is a sign of respect towards them and will help build up your relationship for sure.
8. Have a Unified Front
A very important strategy to use when approaching problematic in-laws is to have a unified front with your spouse. There is no point in sacrificing the relationship you have with your spouse just because your relationship with the in-laws is not great.
In order to have a unified approach, you and your spouse should be able to identify the problems and have a common goal in mind when trying to deal with it. Your in-laws are also more likely to respect you both as a couple rather than just one of you, especially if their son/daughter is in your camp.
How to Deal with Problematic In-Laws
Many couples have had issues with in-laws, to the point where it is a common comedic trope. But, being able to deal with your in-laws positively will help your relationship with them as well as your relationship with your spouse.
