If your kid is between the ages 10 and 12 and you find him/ her increasingly impatient, rude and angry most of the time, do not blame yourself. Tweens are pre-adolescents and hormones are only starting to play havoc on their body and mind.
Question: Have you thought about why your tween is always ready to bite people’s head off? Do all other tweens behave this way? Could your own behaviour aggravating the condition? When you are done questioning yourself sit your angry tween down and pose the same queries and more. While you’re at some collective soul searching talk of the not so long ago times when s/he were more cordial with everyone. Don’t make it an investigation but gently encourage them to think over their demeanour.
Information: If you cannot find books on pre-adolescent and adolescent development search online. Read especially on the role of hormones in causing emotional upheavals. That does not mean however, that you can blame all of your tweens’ tantrums on hormones and let them hide behind biology. Share the information with them but stress on the importance of self-control.
Anger Management: The overwhelming emotion of anger can cause even the sanest people to be destructive and make dangerous decisions they will regret in leisure. Tell your tween that when one experiences that surge of blood through one’s face we should try to feel it as such. Even as it happens. Not simply experience it but become aware of anger starting to take over our mind. When one has identified and noted a feeling it will be easier to purge.
Meditation: Introduce your tween to simple meditation. If you both sit down with eyes closed and simply concentrate on your breaths you will start to drift away in thoughts. Then be aware that you are being driven away. Come back to the breath and take note of all that you thought about when you were away and all the new thoughts that are still threatening to take you away. Afterwards, discuss how you both felt. It will not only improve their patience but concentration as well.
Communicate: The more tweens bottle up their feelings the more resentment and negativity they will harbour. Encourage them to talk to you, other adults they can trust like grandparents, counsellors or elder siblings about issues that make them feel angry. Talking may not always lead to solutions but will definitely purge the strong whirlwind of rage that might desensitise them temporarily.
Activity: Channelising aggression in sports is a historically proven technique. If they are not particularly interested in playing football or cricket you can always help them find exhilaration in other physical activities like running, dancing or trekking. Besides having fun they will find themselves calmer than usual.
