You think you’ve found The One. You’re now relating to love songs, even some of the sappy ones. You can’t imagine your life without your person.
But are you ready for marriage?
It’s a big question, and one you need to ask before you pop the question. Preparing for an engagement–and a marriage–is about a lot more than finding the right ring. It’s about finding someone who completes you and who gives you what you need from your relationship. Here are three signs that you and your significant other are truly ready for marriage.
1. You’re Planning a Marriage, Not a Wedding
A wedding is a big party. A marriage is a commitment. A wedding lasts a few hours. A marriage lasts the rest of your life.
So if you’re getting ready for marriage, not a wedding, then you’re ready to actually get married.
There are some obvious signs that you’re planning a wedding instead of a marriage, like women (or men) who say they’re ready to get married even if they don’t have a partner yet. These are people who desperately want a wedding, i.e. a big party, not a marriage. However, there are a few questions you can ask to suss out if you’re thinking of marriage over a wedding:
- What will you do if you fall out of love?
- How will you deal with the unexpected?
- Do you have the same goals and beliefs? Or, if you don’t, are your goals and beliefs complementary?
- Do you want children?
- How can you make each other happy?
- Where do you see yourself in five years? Ten years? Fifteen?
These may not lead to the most romantic of discussions (especially the question of falling out of love) but they are practical conversations. Having those conversations comfortably, as two reasonable adults making practical future plans, is a sign that you really are ready for commitment.
2. You Both Know Effort is Mandatory
Hollywood and Hallmark love to say that true love is effortless. But your life is not a movie, and real life (and real love) doesn’t work that way.
To be blunt, long-term relationships are work. Every couple who has been married a long time–and been genuinely happy and fulfilled there–will tell you that they made it work because they both put in the effort. That means more than just remembering the grocery list.
Put it this way: there are going to be times when life gets hard. When one of you loses your job, or gets sick, or is going through family drama. There are going to be times when it’s harder to like each other. There are going to be times when it’s harder to remember to focus on your relationship. But if you both understand that putting effort into your relationship is mandatory, you can weather those tough times together and come out the other side stronger for it.
3. You Handle Conflict Constructively
Similarly, if you handle conflict constructively, you’re ready to start thinking about engagement.
Start by asking what happens when you fight. Do you avoid difficult discussions? Do you throw out ultimatums? Do you go on the offensive or run for cover? Or do you work together to put out fires? There’s a reason firefighters are sexy: marriage is an exercise in joint firefighting.
Conversely, if you never fight, that can mean one of two things: either you’re a couple that rarely argues because you communicate your wants, needs, and preferences honestly and authentically to defuse would-be fights constructively, or you’re a couple who avoids conflict at all costs through constant compromise and swallowing down emotions. The former is the sign of a couple ready for the next step. The latter is the sign of a couple who will learn to resent each other.
Regardless of how you fight, or how often, the sign of a couple that’s ready for marriage is one that knows how to resolve conflicts in a healthy way for both sides.
Think you’re ready to get engaged after all? Try these tips to make sure the proposal is unforgettable for all the right reasons.
Getting Ready for Marriage?
Are you ready for marriage? If you recognize your relationship in these three signs, then congratulations! You and your partner are building a bright future together, with a strong foundation that will support you for years to come.
