People on the dating scene may relate to feeling that someone is leading them on through texts only to leave them feeling confused and hurt. This is a form of emotional abuse called breadcrumbing. The word points to a practice where someone drops morsels of affection or signs of commitment without any intention of actually following through. For instance, someone sends flirty or misleading messages to keep you interested while never really making any plans to meet or hang out. It can leave you feeling manipulated, drained, and even cheated in some sense. Here’s how you can spot and avoid breadcrumbing.
There are a couple of signs you can look out for if you suspect you have fallen for this type of manipulation. A breadcrumber’s words of affections or promises of getting together in a committed relationship will usually not match with their actions. They will often only respond to your texts or calls inconsistently, be on radio-silence for days or weeks on end, and cancel plans at the last minute. If their claims of loving you and making time for you do not match how they behave, they might just be leading you on.
Breadcrumbing will often involve very selfish behaviour. The person you are talking to may only reach out when they want something. Their messages will usually be vague, leaving you with more questions than answers. The burden to keep the conversation going might be disproportionately on you.
If you find yourself in a situation like this, it’s important to set boundaries and protect your own emotions. Here’s how:
Don’t make excuses for their behaviour. If someone regularly cancels plans or only reaches out when it’s convenient for them, it’s time to move on.
Don’t chase after them. It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of a new connection, but if someone is only giving you crumbs of attention and is hurting your feelings or self-worth, it’s not worth your time or energy.
Focus on your needs. Take some time for yourself to reflect on what you want and deserve in a relationship.
Speak up and be honest about your feelings. If you’re not comfortable with the way someone is treating you, it’s important to communicate that to them.
Breadcrumbing can be a confusing and hurtful experience, but it’s important to remember that you deserve to be treated with respect and consideration. Don’t be afraid to put yourself first and walk away from a situation that isn’t serving you.
