When your ex gets engaged or married, it can hit hard, even if you’re over them. Here’s how to cope with the flood of emotions in a healthy way.
It always happens when you least expect it, your ex just got engaged. You’re casually doomscrolling through socials when suddenly their name pops up… next to a ring emoji.
Whether you’re happily single, in a new relationship, or deep in healing, this kind of news can stir up all kinds of messy, unexpected emotions. That little internal voice goes: Wait… why do I feel weird about this?
So what do you do when your ex gets engaged or married, and it hits you harder than you’d like to admit? Let’s talk about it.
What to Do When Your Ex Gets Engaged or Married
So, how do you properly reach the final stage of acceptance when your life feels like it’s crashing around you because your ex is now engaged and soon to be married?
Well, here are some things to keep in mind when learning how to deal with the big news.
1. It’s okay to feel bothered
You were once the love of their life, so it’s okay if there’s still some semblance of an emotion that you feel for your ex. A simple tug at your heartstrings is normal because at some point you did imagine walking down the aisle with this person.
If you’re still not over your ex, it’s okay to be jealous or even sad. It shows that the feeling is still there. But you would one day have to face the fact that you and your ex weren’t able to work things out.
They still deserve to be happy. The sooner you come to terms with this, the better.
2. Congratulate your ex if you’re still on speaking terms
Not all breakups lead to both of you pretending the other doesn’t exist. Amicable separations are increasingly common.
If you’re friends on Facebook or you still stay in touch, drop them a line. Ask your ex how they’ve been doing and say congratulations. It may take a load off your ex’s chest once they know that you’re actually pretty okay with the engagement.
3. Talk about it to your close friends
This works increasingly well if the people you talk to about the upcoming wedding are also acquaintances with your ex. If you feel angry or jealous, let it out.
Your friends would be able to comfort you and offer you some advice on how to completely move on. However, if it’s not really a big deal, you can just casually mention it and move on to more interesting topics of conversation.
4. Set boundaries with your mutual friends
Whether or not you have chosen to confide in your situation with your close friends, you absolutely need to set boundaries about the topic with the people in your life.
Such boundaries include if it’s okay to talk about your ex’s engagement and what certain points are appropriate or not to talk about.
5. Avoid the negative comments
If you still have feelings for your ex, no doubt the temptation to make negative comments about their engagement is nagging at you. But whatever the case may be, badmouthing your ex’s new love will just make you look bitter and resentful.
If you think you’re an entire league above your ex’s future spouse, just keep it to yourself. You wouldn’t want to invite drama if the newly engaged couple suddenly finds out that you’ve been talking behind their backs.
6. Stop the social media stalking
Listen, if you find yourself refreshing your social media feed waiting to see photos of the newlyweds, it’s time for a detox. It’s normal, no one will judge you.
Give it a few months, plus another extra month for when the photos of the wedding come out. And then you can go back to following your ex, that is, if you still manage to remember.
By the time they’re showing ultrasound pictures of their future kid, you should be well over the issue… hopefully.
7. There’s no need to mention it to your current partner
You can air out your grievances to your friends, but your partner is a whole other story. Emotionally mentioning it to your partner might make them feel insecure.
After all, it seems like you’re still affected by any news regarding your ex. Our advice is to keep it on the down low for a while, or just mention it in passing and let it go completely.
8. Don’t try to visualize their wedding
At first, you might start to think of where the wedding venue is, what the bride will wear, and what the motif may be. And then, you’d start thinking of how YOU would do it. You don’t want to go down that road.
You don’t want to be planning an imaginary wedding for a long-gone ex who’s not even engaged to you. Crush the urge and distract yourself with anything that’s not even remotely related to weddings.
9. Don’t compare yourself
Marriage is not a race. It’s not even a valid measurement of success or happiness. Do you have any idea how many people are still honestly not ready for marriage?
Everyone gets the desire to get married at different points in their lives, and some don’t even want to walk down the aisle at all! Try not to make comparisons with your ex when they get married.
10. Try to recall why it didn’t work out between you
You may have done this before when you were still getting over your ex. But in light of your ex getting engaged, you may want to revisit those moments. There is a valid and non-painful reason you’re not the one who’ll be saying “I do” to your ex.
Whether it’s being too busy with other things, their incessant nagging, or their knack for looking at other people, keep these reasons in your head.
Remind yourself why you definitely don’t want to be the one getting married to them.
11. Surround yourself with people who love you and keep you busy
It’s easy to spiral when finding out big news from someone you once shared love with.
Even if you don’t feel that way for them anymore, it still triggers old memories and that can make you feel out of control. That’s why it’s so important to surround yourself with caring, loving people who can keep your mind on better things.
Plan a girl’s trip, attend a bro’s night, or have your family over for dinner. Whoever it is in your life that radiates positivity, reach out to them.
12. Try to be genuinely happy for your ex
This would be easy if you managed to become friends after breaking up. Of course, you’d want your friend to be happy!
What kind of friend would you be if you didn’t? On the flip side, if you still wish it was you they chose, try to realize that no amount of wishing can change the fact that your ex is getting married.
If you truly, unselfishly love your ex, you’d want them to still be happy, right? Even if you’re not the one they’ll be happy with. It may sound like such a tragic thing, but acceptance will eventually override your love for your ex.
Even if you’ve fully moved on, finding out your ex is getting married can bring up memories you thought were buried. But that doesn’t mean you’re not healing, it just means you’re human. Be kind to yourself. Love leaves echoes, but it also clears space for something new. So take a breath… your chapter’s still being written.
